Green Communist

Peeing in the shower is so yesterday

Flickr (user walkthelight)

I recently read an old news about Brazil where a local green organisation promoted peeing in the shower. Well I think this is a useless campaign cause every normal person is doing it anyway. I for instance have been doing this my whole life. This "new" idea was supposed to save a lot of water cause as we know flushing on a few drops of pee is really stupid. If it's yellow then let it mellow or go pee in the shower. But don't forget to take a shower at the same time cause otherwise it would be just stupid. So here are some of my ideas about this matter that are new and innovative.

Why don't we just shit in a bag and through it away like rock stars do. Yes you read correctly. Rock stars. Maybe even Britney Spears. As you know entertainers travel by a bus when they are on tour. And most buses have a "no number 2" rule. So if you really wanna go and there is no gas station around then you would have to shit in a bag. You could do the same! Just shit in the bag and afterwards tie a knot on it and put it in garbage. It won't stink unless you through some toothpicks in the same garbage bag.

The second idea would be to have more outdoor toilets. A little nature friendly booth with a hole in the ground. Even those plastic toilets at large events are good. There is no flushing. You can't get more eco than that. Just build a toilet near your office, apartment building or summer home. It's pretty easy. People will be delighted to see a visionary at work.

The third idea is to promote parting and drinking alcohol. When people are drunk enough they stop using toilets and start peeing outside. Mostly guys do it. So they save a lot of drinking water thanks to this premeditated act. The ironic thing is that usually the next morning they drink as much water as they saved the day before. But still the water didn't go to waste.

If you were on a stranded island then would you poor your last bottle of Evian on an alien you just created? No. So why are we acting like we have so much clean water that we can just pour it on shit? Make a change and if you have any ideas about this matter then please post them below.

Tagged as: Brazil, celebrities, garbage, peeing, saving, shit, shower, toilet, water 22484 Comments

4Nov/0914931

The right type of toilets to use

: Flickr (user robennals)

I've been in the European Union for some time now and life here is definitely different from Ukraine. I should probably start with the basics. Toilets. In the European Union toilets are pretty and clean and have lots of useless decorations like the toilet bowl. Why do you need this big thing to sit on? It's not like you spend hours on it. Maybe if you eat Indian food or something but otherwise you go in and a minute later you are done.

Therefor I think it's a big waste of resources. Why don't we keep it simple like it was in the good old Soviet Union? Hole-in-the-ground-toilet is completely green. Some eco friendly businesses in Ukraine still use them. We don't need these fancy city toilets where they play relaxing music and soap comes automatically on your hands and in some places a robot wipes your ass after you are done. How lazy can you be? It's not that hard to squat for a few minutes and afterwards use your homemade soap and collected rainwater to wash your hands.

Besides saving the earth there is another great benefit. These eco toilets usually don't have walls. Some have small walls to keep people from splashing things on each other. So it's a great way to meet people and start conversations. Imagine doing number two while someone else is doing the same thing in front of you. It's a very intimate situation that wouldn't happen on the street. So metaphorically and literally the walls are down and you can communicate freely. Who needs social networks? Beside perverts I mean.

I have an idea to build a hole-in-the-ground-toilet network all over Europe! Maybe one day it could be launched in America as well. Benefits will be enormous. Please give me some constructive feedback!

Tagged as: America, bowl, Europe, homemade soap, rainwater, Soviet Union, toilet 14931 Comments

2Nov/0944014

5 reasons why Stalin was greener than Obama will ever be

People have bad memory. I will take care of some things that otherwise would be forgotten. We all agree that Soviet Union was a great place to live. Just recall how charismatic leaders we had! One thing that critics often forget is the fact that these great leaders were also amazing green entrepreneurs. Let the facts talk for themselves!

1) Already at the beginning of the fifties, scientists calculated how many cars there should be for hundred people, to keep the planet safe. Answer was 1/1000. It's not that we were poor. Same thing with washing machines, there where 1 washing machines for 100 people. We knew why we are all doing this. Because of the planet.

2) Everybody drove by train like one big happy family. But it was not because we didn't had money to built roads. There was no point in building roads, because there were no cars. Our train traffic was one of the best in the world.

3) The Big Thinker Stalin limited the number of people, who can go abroad by plane. People think that he was an evil dictator but that is a lie. He knew, that planes have awful impact on nature and that is the reason nobody got out behind the iron curtain. We worked together like good friends, always laughing. And if somebody tried to fly away with a homemade plane then the military shoot the plane down and just in case eliminated all family members and closest friends of the bad guy. Because military cared about nature.

4) Already during Second World War Stalin knew that overcrowded cities are bad for mother earth, so he deported many people to Siberia to keep the population equally spread all over the Soviet Union. He knew what was best for us.

5) In the Soviet Union we had the biggest vegetarian movement in the world. We knew that it's bad to kill cows and other animals. That´s why Big Entrepreneur Stalin came up with idea to give 200 gr meat to people in a month. And what happened? We were all happy and sang together. If you don't believe me, read newspapers from that time.

In my opinion 5 facts is enough though it is not hard to make a list with 250. Translation for the picture is "Thank you father Stalin for a happy childhood!" What country can you thank for a happy and green childhood? How did they help nature?

Flickr (user Lixas)

Tagged as: cars, history, jet exhaust, Obama, overpopulation, polution, Soviet Union, Stalin, vegetaria, washing machines 44014 Comments

31Oct/0913974

Zombies and Paris Hilton on Halloween

Halloween isn't a very eco-friendly holiday but then again not as bad as Christmas. The reason for this is the wasting of food. I'm talking about the tradition of emptying out pumpkins.

I recently saw a movie called Zombieland so to keep the Halloween theme I wonder what would zombies do on the last day of October. They would probably dress up as normal people and empty out a human head and light a candle in it. But an ecozombie wouldn't just throw away the brain. No. He would eat it. So if you are a zombie you should always eat the brain when you take it out of the corpses head. Don't waste it!

To continue the theme I must confess that I have been following Paris Hilton on Twitter. A couple of days ago she posted that she had found a perfect pumpkin for Halloween. So all the rich spoiled kids from her neighbourhood can now enjoy the perfect jack-o'-lantern when they visit her on the big day.

I'm pretty sure that Paris won't eat the pumpkin guts and will just throw it away like most Americans. So if you are a zombie, a Paris Hilton or some other kind of American then don't waste food on Halloween! You can make soup out of pumpkin guts and dry and roast and salt the seeds. They taste just like sunflower seeds but are a bit harder to peal.

Being eco isn't supposed to be easy or fun. Even if the soup is disgusting you have to eat it. The planet is counting on you!

Flickr (user brixton)

Tagged as: cooking, food, halloween, Paris Hilton, pumpkins, zombies 13974 Comments

29Oct/0917409

Ecobag

Greetings from Nikita!

I feel that I have been put on this planet to save it. And I want to share my gift and wisdom with all of you.

I'm experienced in living green 24/7. Except when ... But any other time I'm really eco-friendly. That's why I would like to let you know about things that aren't good for my/our movement.

I came from the supermarket today and I was on my way home. Suddenly I felt that my bag was a lot lighter and when I looked back I saw my onions rolling back to the supermarket down the hill. All my other things were laying on the street and I had to figure out a way to transport them back to my home.

Needless to say I was devastated. That was the 3rd ecobag this week! So every time I go to the shop this happens. I know that being green is not easy but this is ridiculous.

In normal countries the ecobag is free but in Estonia you always have to go an extra mile to be green. Thanks to the green mafia of course! Making money of from people who love this planet. People like you and I.

That's why I think products like these aren't helping anybody. If anything they are bad for the reputation of green lifestyle. So I've decided to create my own ecobag that is tested before they ruining someones day.

The only thing I like about this bag is the way it feels when you touch it. It's magical. Almost as magical as bubble wrap. They should stop selling it as a ecobag and start selling it as a toy or some sex product. If a condom would be made out of ecobags then that would be great. I would buy that! Even though I don't like to buy things.

Flickr (user Alaivani)

Tagged as: ecobag, food, shopping 17409 Comments

Introduction

Hi! My name is Nikita Bobenko and this is my website filled with green thoughts.

The reason I am writing here is that I'm sick of trendy eco activists. They don't know anything about REAL green lifestyle. I do! Among other things here you will find tricks on how to stop the planet from going on fire.

Join my cause!